Friday, May 19, 2006

I Am, I Want, I Wish

(Painting by Xenia Hausner)

Taken from TaraDharma, who took it from SassyFemme, who took it from Syd, who took it from KMae, who took it from Suburban Lesbian, who took it from...

I AM sitting in a bright room, on the fifth floor of a new building, looking out into the tops of redwood trees. It's beginning to rain....

I WANT it all – passion, creativity, love, dogs, laughter, fearlessness into old age!

I WISH that women were in charge of everything, and men were just there to work out the technical details and do the heavy lifting (sorry guys).

I HATE the depressing and staggering incompetence of the Bush administration.

I MISS the carefree body of my youth, all strength and vigor. I miss the sweetness of mothering young children.

I FEAR religious extremism, Christian, Islamic, or whatever. I fear our government and the ominous direction it is taking.

I HEAR poorly and wear one hearing aid. It works out great at night, however. If I sleep with my good ear on the pillow, I hear nothing!

I WONDER what kind of an artist I will become, and how I will find my artistic pathway given all the amazing choices I could make.

I REGRET never having been an athlete.

I AM NOT alone, almost never, and I have almost never been alone, what with growing up in a big family, living in dorms in college, having serial relationships, raising children, working. I often wonder what it would be like to be alone. Would I be the same person or somebody completely different??

I DANCE self-consciously and rarely.

I SING along with some favorite “oldies” when nobody is listening.

I CRY in the movies, or reading great books, or when someone hurts my feelings.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: drawings, paintings, books, my garden, some pretty great food.

I WRITE a blog when I can fit it in, poems on occasion, and rants when I’m crying and upset.

I CONFUSE food and love. Don’t ask! I don’t confuse food and sex, however…

I NEED lots of time to myself, quiet, unscheduled time.

I SHOULD (and mostly have stopped) "should-ing" on myself!

I START my days early with tea and vitamins, reading the paper, doing the crossword puzzle, walking the dog, eating yogurt and fruit.

I FINISH everything on my plate, most often, leaving nothing for the starving children in Armenia.

I'M GLAD when I'm in nature, hearing birds sing, feeling the sunshine and wind, walking on beaches.

I LIVE within walking distance of just about everything I need.

I PRAY - no usually I don't.

I SEEK the perfect cup of chai.

I WOULD RATHER slow down and take all the winding back roads, even get lost, to avoid having to travel on freeways.

I PREFER not to waste time and energy on regretting the past. Been there, done that, got the T shirt.

I KNOW how to live with the cup half full, how to make lemonade when life gives you lemons, and how to keep your sunny side up.

I MUST HAVE: Chocolate. Books. The New Yorker. Friends. Laughter. The internet. Movies. Trees.

I HOPE for a better world for us all. And soon!

7 comments:

Mary ND said...

I LOVE this journal entry, dear friend.

TDharma said...

"I often wonder what it would be like to be alone. Would I be the same person or somebody completely different??"

Me, too, S. Now there's an interesting conversation.

Loved reading this; I feel I know you better. Do you suppose it's too late for us to become athletes?

robin andrea said...

I loved reading this. It is a wonderful exercise in self-exploration.

I too have wondered what it would be like to be alone, but I wasn't alone even in the womb. I am the eternal twin.

dpr and started doing a little yoga last night. Oy. This aging body is definitely not as limber as it once was. New goal: get limber, become an athlete!

Sigrid Jardin said...

Well, I think that becoming an athlete may be something for my next lifetime. I'm just intending to stay flexible, strong, and mobile - so far, so good! Thanks for all your great comments darlings.....

Linstilllife said...

Thank you for sharing this. It was a wonderful way to start this day.

The Fat Lady Sings said...

Wonderful post. I would like to add one more thing, if I may.

I need to know that there is one person somewhere in the world that loves me without strings or conditions.

Including that, I would say everything else is just about right.

DivaJood said...

I just read this post over at the fat lady sings. It is so close to my inner hopes, dreams, wants, and as I said over on TFLS, it proves again that we're all connected by a river of light.

Thank you!